The definition of insanity
There is a saying credited to Albert Einstein: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”
(Also, different voices in your head could be a sign of that, but I’m a writer, so I get a pass on that one.)
For almost two years now, I’ve been pushing through. Push, fail. Push, fail. I kept piling it on. Learn this. Write this. Read this. Post this. Be supportive. See family. Talk with friends. Work out. Write. Write. Write. Edit. Covers. Ads. Newsletter. This group. That group. This podcast. Maybe I should do a podcast? Try video? Work. Bills. Clean out the clutter. Mom. Mom. Wife. Student. Author.
Exhausted.
Over and over again, I kept just pushing through. Surely it would all kick in. I’d find my groove. I’d stop disappointing myself as I failed to hit that goal. Again. Failed to follow through. Again. Failed to finish. Again.
Then one day I sat down in the recliner and just hit play on the first episode of the t.v. show Bones, a show I watched ad nauseum back in the day.
Like Forrest Gump when he started running, I just kept watching. Next episode? Yes, please. Next day? Yep. An hour here. An hour there. Two hours? Come on, I can make it until 1 a.m.
I took care of the things I needed to take care of. I still wrote, but it was a little here, a little there. Still read. A little here, a little there. But, when life did not require me to do something else, I watched Bones. It took seven seasons for me to start getting antsy. Seven before I decided if I was watching Bones, I could do it while walking on the treadmill. Seven seasons to get bored. Seven seasons before the words in my head took precedence. Before my TBR list started calling my name.
Despite the number of times I watched that show back in the day, it still kept me interested. It still made me laugh. I was still rooting for Booth and Bones. But I don’t really need to finish the series. Been there already. (Though it did lead me down the David Boreanaz rabbit hole again, and now I’m invested in Seal Team. Whoops.)
As I emerged from that sloth-like binge-fest, I realized I didn’t need to push through. I needed a break. My brain needed a break. My body needed a break. I was burned out on life. I was pretending to be positive. I was pretending to push through. I was faking it until I made it.
Except, I wasn’t making it.
I know. I know. If you’ve been following me through all this, we’ve been here before. And you know what, maybe I’ll be here again. It isn’t the first time I’ve burned myself out. It won’t be the last. I just never wrote about it before.
For now, though, I’m back at it.
And should I hit that wall again, I won’t try to push through. I have a long list of t.v. shows I can binge-watch again. Like Angel, Buffy, Supernatural, The Walking Dead, Downton Abbey, Robin Hood, Alias, Smallville, Game of Thrones, Primeval, just to name a few.
Because apparently, that’s my reset. And I’m okay with that.
What’s your reset?
